Drunken Day
by minakoS
Summary: A half-assed oneshot for Workaholics since it's non-existent on this site. Ders/oc if that's what you'd like to think.


**Now hold your horses! I know you're thinking "M-mina...Where's the Melted Heart?" I actually have a legit answer this time: It's summer, and summer is when I'm out from school. I know I said I'd be able to work on it more, but I haven't really been able to. I've gone on a trip to Dorney Park, avoided the living room where a mouse was camping out, started watching Metalocalypse, and read books. Yesterday, I finished 3 actually (Deenie, Anya's ghost and Border Town)**

**Today I bring you Workaholics fanfiction. Because I just got into the show and fanfics are practically non-existent. Just don't expect a whole series, we have yet to see.**

"Letter for, um, I don't quite how to pronounce this," the new mail room girl said. Adam looked up at her and smiled. This was a new face that probably couldn't wait to sleep with him.

"Oh that? That's for Anders. He has a hard on."

"E-excuse me?"

"Yeah, sounds strange, I know. But he was born like that." Blake nodded, turning around in his chair. "Yeah, it's true." The mail girl, looking incredibly disturbed, nodded and gave Adam the letter. "Well you tell him that he has a letter." She wanted to leave but that's never easy. He grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him.

"Get the hell off me!" He did and held his arms up in defense. "I'm not trying to do anything! I just wanted to know your name."

"You could've just asked," she said, rubbing her arm. "It's Emily." Blake rubbed his chin. "Well that's a nice name!" These two were strange. '_I bet their hard-on friend isn't any better.' _"I'd better get back to work," Emily quickly said, turning to go back to the mail room. When she was gone, Adam high fived Blake.

"That was awesome, bro! Did you see how into me she was?"

"Um, Adam, she looked annoyed."

"Pfft, no way! She was totally into me. And I can't wait to be into her, you know what I mean?" Adam asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Blake laughed. Sometimes it was hard to take his friend seriously. Ders walked into the cubicle holding xeroxes.

"Hey, guys. Glad to see this place isn't trashed." Adam, grinning, hit Ders on the back.

"Dude, you missed it! There was this girl in here to give you a letter and I think she's into me."

"Yeah, she was pretty cute," Blake said. Ders took the letter and opened it. Just some letter about a package of wizard props he was expecting.

"That's cool," he muttered, half interested. "Did she have a good rack?" Adam thought about it. They weren't DD or anything near that. "Well, no, but that's besides the point! She's a nice person, and I can't believe all you care about are her tits." Ders rolled his eyes and sat down at his part of the desk.

"I know it's all you care about, so quit trying so much." Blake shook his head.

"That's cold, man. I mean, maybe she's really cool to be, you know, a friend at the least. She looked cool, drinker type."

"Yeah, definitely a drinker," Adam concurred. Meanwhile in the mail room, Emily was filing her nails. All the mail had been delivered and that meant that the rest of the day would be slow. She couldn't wait to get home to her roommate, Pam, and smoke some blunts they had just gotten from her drug dealer. His name was Carl, or something like that.

Jillian rushed into the room. "Oh my gosh, Emily, we have a problem!" Emily looked up. "What is it this time?"

"Alice was expecting a package today and it never showed up in her office."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't see any packages, maybe Joe had a mix up-"

"You don't understand!" Jillian exclaimed, turning a little red. "She was REALLY expecting something today."

"What like a vibrator or something?" Emily joked. Jillian turned a little more red and Emily froze.

"Th-that's what she was-"

"Yes." Emily jumped up and started to look around for a box. What would a book with a vibrator hidden in it look like? Definitely wouldn't have pictures displayed everywhere with it. Then an idea hit her.

"What if tomorrow, I bring one in and just package it! And if she doesn't want it, she'll just return it to the company and they'll replace it. It's genius!" Jillian, trying to follow along, finally smiled. "Yeah, that'll work! Okay, I explain to her that it'll come tomorrow." She turned to leave and smiled. "See you later, Vibra-girl!" Emily awkwardly smiled back.

_6435455345_

"Oh my God, it's those weirdos!" Emily said to Pam. They opted to go drinking after work instead. Pam looked over to who she was referring to. "Oh, those guys? Yeah, they come here sometimes."

"They're so strange! Well, I don't know that tall one, but this one guy grabs me and talks about his friend having a hard on. What the hell?" Pam laughed and took a swig of her Budweiser. "Dude, it's not funny!"

"Yes it is! You should go over to talk to them." Emily brought a finger to her mouth, pretended to gag. "Nevermind, they're coming to you."

"What?!" A hand tapped her shoulder. Spinning around, she was face to face with Adam.

"Hey there, Emily. Miss me at all today?"

"No, I don't think I did." She gripped her bottle of Heineken and took a big swig. "Wow you're a drinker. See, I told you, Ders!" At that mention Emily looked at the tall guy. "Oh you're the one with the hard on?" That caught him off guard. "What?"

"Your pal over here said you have a hard on."

"Oh, no, he meant in my full name. The A is a hard sound." Emily nodded, understanding. "That make so much more sense now." Adam wrapped his arm around her and prevented her from scooting away. Pam laughed at the whole thing.

"You know, girls don't like it when you act all rapist-like," Emily said, struggling to get away.

"Me, a rapist? No, what's wrong with liking you?" He got close to her ear. "You just haven't seen my...concealed weapon." That's when she started laughing. "That's the best you could could come up with?" That got him a little upset. "You are just a bitter chick, aren't you?" She shrugged, downing the rest of her beer. That beer led to about 3 more.

"S-so, you're a rapper?" Emily asked, leaning towards Ders. Pam had gone home a little while ago with Adam, and Blake was trying to get into a pool game at the back of the bar.

"Um, yeah." He wasn't drinking so much, but he could still get drunk at any second.

"That's cool!"

"It's lame, I-What? It's cool?"

"Yeah! I love Biggie and Coolio, they were the best." She proceeded to get on to table they were sitting at probably to sing something inappropriate.

"And if ya don't know, now ya know, n-"

"Okay, that's enough drinks for you," Ders quickly pulled her back. She started laughing. "Man, you're touching me!" She rubbed her face. "I'm so wasted..."

"Yeah, well, let's go. Blake, c'mon!" Blake was currently trying to shoot the 8 ball but missed.

"Dammit, Ders!" he yelled as he started handing a big muscle guy some cash. "Fine. S'go." They made their way to the car and it was a very strange ride home. Maybe it was because Ders was almost drunk and kept swerving whenever he was about to nod off.

Then next day, when waking up, he felt sticky. He looked down and saw that most of his lower body was smeared with pink lipstick. "That's strange," he muttered. Ders got up and rubbed his face. His head hurt a little and he had...a hickey on his wrist? Come to think of it, there was also an area on his neck that felt sore too.

"What the f**k happened last night?" At that moment, Emily passed by his door saying, cheerfully, "Morning!" She was wearing his shirt from the night before.

**Can you tell I became bored and tired about halfway?**


End file.
